I am now in round 3 of the fight. Post stem cell transplant we were hoping that I would be in remission, but the aggressive strain came back in 4 places. Two of the 3 tests came back un-detected which raised my hopes but the PET scan shows 4 distinct spots — though it is at a very low intensity. The 1Q gain of the cancer cells is showing its aggressiveness. I am trying to get my head wrapped around the symptoms I am dealing with and how to mitigate them. In that process, I could not but help see a lot of “silver linings” in my journey thus far. The good that came out of having such a crappy disease. And there are many and they are very tangible. Some of them I am trying to make sure stay permanent, but overall I am trying to elevate my life by taking advantage of them. Not in any specific order:
a. < 200 lbs — For the first time in 20+ years I am back weighing less than 200 lbs! While I am starting to put some of these pounds back because of this current 4 drug cocktail of Chemo does contain Steroids which is having an impact on my weight, this is something I want to improve upon and make it permanent.
b. Stronger bond with my wife — We have been married for 26 yrs now. While our relationship has had its share of ups and down, cancer has brought us together in a way nothing else has — not even our kids. Sometimes I feel a bit sad that it took cancer to make that happen, but at the end of the day I am going to beat this and if our relationship is much stronger than ever because of the disease, I will take it. The means suck, but the end matters and there is no one more eager to meet on the other side than my highest cheer leader superwoman extraordinaire handler — my wife.
c. Inspiring others — About a month back, the founders at InMobi invited me to share my journey with the company. It was sounded (and did turn out to be in a great way ) a daunting task. Planning to speak to close to 900–1200 of my colleagues globally from all walks of life and cultures, the first thought was why should they care? I was counseled to be myself, and with nothing more than a few bulled points a framework to chat I decided to do it. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I will be forever indebted to the leadership and colleagues that made it happen. I still hear from people that how I chose to lead my life had given them the strength and inspiration to tackle their own (what was) unsurmountable barriers. I did not choose to inspire others, only to tackle what I have been dealt with head-on. But if that inspire others to elevate themself in their life, and find their own superpower (a separate topic) I will happily talk to 1000 more people. My own vulnerability and optimism have been a source of my fight, and that seems to strike a chord of positiveness with people — something that did not happen until I had to deal with cancer!
d. Self-care — This was non-existent for me before cancer. The kids used to joke as to how my feet look like leprechaun's and I should pay more attention to taking care of myself. Not only have I gotten better at my self-care, but I am becoming a strong advocate to my friends (sometimes more of a PITA) to make it a part of theirs too.
I am sure there are more (I am sure my chemo brain is forgetting some), but it is undeniable that cancer has had some positive outcomes in my life.
